I often listen to couples express their feelings with terms like: he/she completes me, or he/she is my missing puzzle. I always felt somehow uncomfortable when i heard this phrases or similar ones, not because it didn't feel nice but because i don't believe it!
As human beings we are born complete, we are not some unfinished piece of art that is waiting for the last touch to get it's value,instead of that i am convinced that each one of us is perfectly created, with no flaws and missing pieces, we are created as whole and resourceful to accomplish a certain purpose in this world.
It is true that love creates a feeling of completion,and in my perspective more than completion it is a harmony between two unique human beings that together create more than just a couple, they experience a synergy that introduces new and exciting feelings, a different way of being happy and fulfilled!
I find it diminishing to label Love as a completion,love is a beginning of a new way of existing, it's about co-existing and sharing.
Sometimes love doesn't show as we expect it to be, it is demanding and invasive, it asks and it doesn't give back, it hurts and it doesn't nourish, it costs and it doesn't bring value but still people call it love. Is it fear of falling back in the "incomplete" phase again or is it a compromise to maintain the status quo to avoid uncertainty?
I have never been a fan of the easy accomplishments and as a person who has been in the same relationship from more than a decade i know by experience that it is not a linear path, it has its ups and downs, and in my understanding, relationships we create work only when they are in harmony with our life purpose. A life purpose is also based on a relationship, but not one with someone else, it is a relationship with ourselves, and if this relationship is not taken care of, then no other relationship will work. Each time i find myself struggling in my relationship with my husband i know for sure that something in my relationship with myself is not working and i need to take careof me before trying to fix anything else. When in conflict, we tend to point fingers and criticize, when in fact we should reflect and understand what makes us feel this way. Where am i neglecting myself? How am i avoiding my own needs and how should i take care of me before asking someone else to do so?
Problems in relationships begin when we stop taking care of ourselves and we expect others to do it! We teach our partner how to love us by the way we take care of ourselves, in the moment you stop taking care of you, you stop sending those signals of how you want to be loved. It is not something you can ask with words, it is something you show with actions, so next time when you feel neglected instead of asking for attention, give yourself your own attention and everything will be better! Love is not about asking it's about giving, you have to be complete in order to give and all you need to be complete is you!